


Fifty Shades of Blue

by AdamantVibranium_SuperBoy



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Epsilon, Daddy Kink, F/M, Families of Choice, Gay, Gay Sex, Gen, Light Bondage, M/M, Military Kink, Multi, Project Freelancer, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21574750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdamantVibranium_SuperBoy/pseuds/AdamantVibranium_SuperBoy
Summary: The UNSC found more Project Freelancer A.I. fragments.Blood Gulch remains unused but has new, more elaborate bases.And Captain Flowers is back from the dead. Again.Guess who's just lucky enough to get all three._________________________________And Santa saves Epsilon. Well, almost...
Relationships: AI Program Epsilon | Leonard Church/Agent Washington, Frank "Doc" DuFresne/Butch Flowers | Agent Florida, Franklin Delano Donut/Butch Flowers | Agent Florida, Franklin Delano Donut/Frank "Doc" DuFresne, Franklin Delano Donut/Sarge, Michael J. Caboose & Butch Flowers | Agent Florida, Michael J. Caboose & Franklin Delano Donut
Kudos: 14





	1. Finding Each Other

**Author's Note:**

> This is a working title. I'll come up with something better.

**Blood Gulch - On Top of New Red Base.**

"WHY?!! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!" screams Simmons.

"No. ...Just no," says Grif. "These things have caused all our fucking problems. I refuse to have an A.I."

"Oh, come on, Men. And Grif," says Sarge. "We're getting the fancy new suits with those special powers-mathingies. It'll be great!"

"Idiotas. No pueden usar sus armas correctamente. ¿Porque piensan pueden usar equipo de Freelancer?" says Lopez.

[ Idiots. You can't even use your guns correctly. What makes you think you can use Freelancer equipment? ] 

"We already tried giving Grif super-speed a few years ago. It didn't go well," says Simmons.

"Yeah, those methshrooms tasted horrible!" says Grif.

"No, I mean at the Freelancer Fallback Facility," says Simmons. "Don't you remember? You ran into a wall, got dehydrated and passed out."

"Yeah, well no speed for me this time," says Grif. "I'd rather have invisibility."

"No invisible napping!" says Simmons. "We'll find you. You can have overshields or holograms or something."

"It's not up to us, Men," says Sarge. "Our new Command from the UNSC gave us orders. The remaining Freelancer A.I.s are being assigned according to our psychowhatsit profiles. The equipment we get is based on what our A.I.s can do."

"I _refuse_ to have one of those things in my head!" says Grif. "I'll have to eat constantly just so the chewing drowns out the voices."

"You already do that, lardass," Simmons says to Grif before turning to Sarge. 'What are we getting, Sir?" asks Simmons. 

"I'm getting a tactical A.I. with active cloaking!" says Sarge. "Simmons, you're getting overshields. Grif, you're getting holograms—"

"—Told you so—" says Simmons.

"—and Lopez won't have an A.I. but I've decided to give him the Emp unit Wash used to have—"

"Chinguense Todos." says Lopez.

[ Fuck you all. ]

"—Sir, I think that's a really bad idea," says Simmons. "If you give the Emp to our robot then—"

"—Thank you, Simmons. It _is_ a great plan!" says Sarge.

"What does Donut get?" asks Grif.

"Hey, where is Donut?" asks Simmons.

"He's on the UNSC ship watching us from orbit," says Sarge.

"Like we haven't been watched enough in our lives," says Grif.

"Probablemente necesitan vigilar sobre los Inteligentes Artificiales y Wash," says Lopez.

[ They probably need to watch over the A.I.s and Agent Washington ]

"Lopez! Do not make fun of Donut!" says Sarge. "He may be a bit of a sissy, but he's _our_ sissy, damnit!"

"Great. Just great," says Simmons. "Blue team has two freelancers, and we're a man down."

"Well, a Donut down," says Sarge. "Are you really complaining?"

"Don't you remember when Caboose captured Donut and you fell into a pit of despair?" says Simmons.

"Oh yeah…" says Grif. "That's when Sarge totally lost his shit over Donut getting not-tortured."

"I did no such thing!" says Sarge.

"Yeah, that's when _I_ was doing actual work helping you negotiate while _Simmons_ was sleeping under a tree," says Grif.

"That's inconceivable!" says Sarge. "You've never helped do anything but motivate me to clean my shotgun more often! And clean out the mess hall while still making a complete mess!"

"So, Sarge," says Simmons. "What equipment is Donut getting?"

…………………………………………………

**Aboard the UNSC Ship _The Maiden Voyage_**

" _Awe-some!!_ " says Donut as he changes his armor through different shades of lightish red. Right now his armor is periwinkle fuchsia with neon bubble gum accents. He marvels at the colors as he shifts them through mauve, champagne pink, Spanish pink and orchid pink. Finally he settles on a bold pink lace-pink and leaves it there. His A.I. is distracting him, splitting him between his new armor colors and the beautifully handsome man in blue armor standing before him. The man isn't wearing his helmet, and his face is softly chiseled with full lips and dirty-blond hair. He focuses all his attention on the man when those luscious lips begin to move. 

"Well, Franklin – may I call you Franky? – I'm pleased as punch to meet you!" says the man in blue armor.

"You can call me whatever you want, Sir!" says Donut. "What should I call you?"

"You can call me Captain Flowers. But I'd really like it if you just called me 'Daddy'."

"Yes, Sir, Daddy!" says Donut, saluting stiffly. He's grateful for the extra room in his codpiece as his stuff gets stiff, and when Captain Flowers smiles at him, he gets even stiffer. He tries not to speak in sexual innuendo, but he feels one coming on. "So, Daddy, your name is Flowers? I've always like flowers! Especially the stamen! But when I suck in too much, the pollen fills my throat with fluid."

"Captain Butch Flowers," says the Adonis of a man. "And I like flowers too. I'd like to give you some, but I don't have any roses on me. I'd love to give you a bouquet of pink and blue."

"Pink flowers and blue flowers?"

"No, roses with hard blue penetrating the hot pink on them."

"That's so sweet!"

"Not as sweet as your scrumptious voice. May I see you without your helmet?"

Donut takes his helmet off a little too quickly, reminding himself not to be too eager. His boyish face is smooth and his eyes a beautiful shade of greenish-blue. He has light brown curls framing his cute face and a genuine smile at the attention he's getting. 

Donut starts to speak but suddenly lips are crashing against his and a tongue invades his open mouth. He sinks into the sensation and kisses back pliantly before growing more enthusiastic. The kiss seems to last forever and when their lips part, Donut becomes aware of the strong arms wrapped around his waist. 

"I hope that wasn't too forward," says Captain Flowers.

"No, it was great! Your tongue can slide into me anytime!"

"I think I'll take you up on that, Private," Flowers says mirthfully.

"But we're on opposite teams. How are we going to spend time together?"

"It would be quite a shame if you were captured," says Flowers. "Why, I might even have to tie you up!"

Donut feels his codpiece pressing hard against him.

"I have the perfect handcuffs for the job! They go with my cop uniform!" says Donut. "Officer Hotpants!"

"Well, it wouldn't make much sense for the cop to be tied up," says Flowers. "What if I borrowed that uniform?"

"It might be too small for you," says Donut.

"That's okay, I can force my muscular girth into tight things pretty well!" says Flowers.

Donut knows at this point that he's absolutely in love. Unintentionally, the accents of his armor turn the maya blue of his new Daddy's armor. 

…………………………………………………

**Blood Gulch - In the New Blue Base**

"Wash, are you okay?" asks Carolina with sincerity.

"Which one did I get assigned?" asks Washington dramatically.

"No one can make you—" starts Carolina, but Wash cuts her off.

" _Which one?!_ "

"Psi. They thought he could best help you with… with your injury."

"Great. Now instead of getting lost in my own head, I'll be lost in everyone else's," says Washington.

"That's only one of his functions. He'll know when to give you a break—" 

"I want another one. Tell them to give me Omicron."

"Church's tranquility?"

"I could use the calmness," says Washington. "And he can run a healing unit to keep my brain functioning at optimal capacity."

"I'll tell them," says Carolina. "But no one can make them give you an A.I."

"I want Omicron. Tell them."

"Sure, Wash. I'll call them right now."

"Hey, Carolina. Who are they giving you?"

"Tau. He's the only one left unassigned that can run my speed unit and my adaptive camouflage."

"Good for you. He's a weaker A.I., but I remember recovering him. He was nice. For an A.I."

"He ought to be. He was the optimism. Are you sure you don't want Tau? We could switch. Psi can run my enhancements and Tau could keep you in good spirits."

"Tell them I want Omicron. You can have Psi. I won't change my mind."

…………………………………………………

**Blood Gulch - On Top if the New Blue Base**

Caboose's mind is blank. 

He's staring into the distance as Tucker babbles about something stupid. 

Stupid fucking Tucker.

".... I mean, why do they think giving us A.I. is a good idea?! I get the armor enhancements. At least that lets you do cool shit, but if these things are from Freelancer, what makes them think we'll get along? Caboose! Are you even listening?"

"Yeah… I wasn't really, uh, listening. I kind of … tuned you out... I'm getting lots of practice at that!"

"Arrrgh! You can be so frustrating!"

"Yes, well, I try. Thank you for noticing."

"I hope our A.I. aren't as stupid as you. I don't think I can take two of you!"

"That's just because I'm really strong."

"God, Caboose! You can be so dense!"

"It's probably the muscles. I'm really strong. Also, I do not think I'm God."

"Thank fuck! But seriously. Why do they want to give us those A.I.?"

"Yeah… Probably because they're traumatized from Church being tortured and Command thinks we'll be the most sympathetic because we were friends with Church."

"Holy shit. I think you're right. But shouldn't they have counseling or something? What can we do?"

Washington and Carolina walk up behind him, and Carolina answers his overall question. "They're giving us the Freelancer A.I. because the UNSC doesn't have a protocol for dealing with traumatized A.I. fragments. Giving them to former Freelancer personnel is a way of passing the buck. If we fuck up, they can still blame it on Project Freelancer."

"That's stupid," says Tucker. "If they're the ones giving us the A.I., then aren't they responsible for what happens to them in our care?"

"No," says Washington. "Laws don't always make sense, Tucker. Yes, it's stupid, but that's the way things are. We just have to do our best. Eventually, they'll decide on a protocol and take the A.I.s back to deal with them appropriately."

"Do we know which ones we're getting?" asks Tucker.

"You're getting Phi. He's the lust," says Carolina.

"Oh holy shit!" says Tucker. "Why?"

"Probably because you have a lot of practice reeling that emotion in," says Carolina.

"A lot of repression, you mean!" says Tucker.

"Exactly," says Carolina.

"What's my super-power?" asks Tucker.

"You're getting two. Speed like Carolina and strength, like Agents Main and California," says Washington.

"Maybe I'll finally be able to beat Caboose at arm wrestling," says Tucker.

"What about me?" says Caboose. "Can I have a piece of Church?"

"Bow chicka bow bow!" says Tucker.

"Yes, Caboose," says Washington. "You're getting the clarity. Church's accuracy. His name is Zeta."

"Accuracy? What's it going to do? Make Caboose more accurately stupid?" says Tucker.

"Command thinks he will help Caboose think more clearly. Plus it was Agent California's A.I.," says Washington.

"Why is that relevant?" asks Tucker.

"That's classified," says Carolina.

"Then why'd you tell me?" says Tucker.

"Agent California had a lot in common with Caboose," says Washington. "Let's just leave it at that."

"So how are we doing this?" asks Tucker. "Are we going in for medical surgery?"

"You already have implants," says Carolina, "but they're just empty slots. The process will be drilling the A.I. units into the existing implants."

"Sounds painful," says Tucker. "I want the good drugs!"

"A medical technician will be coming here to our base and doing the procedures," says Washington. "They'll probably have morphine. It's field standard."

"Well, that's a relief,' says Tucker. 

"Hey, Guys!" says a familiar voice. "I've got your implants!"

"Please tell me that's not who I think it is," says Washington, refusing to look behind him.

"Hi, Doc!" says Caboose.

…………………………………………………

**Four Hours Later at Blue Base**

⟨⟨David,⟩⟩ says Omicron. ⟨⟨I am detecting hostility. Are you alright?⟩⟩ 

Agent Washington feels Omicron's serenity washing over him as he hears the voice in his head. 

"Just keep talking to me and run the healing unit," says Wash. 

⟨⟨The healing unit is running at full capacity. I am grateful to be your A.I. I understand you requested me specifically.⟩⟩ 

"Yes, I did," says Wash. 

⟨⟨Why?⟩⟩ 

"You just seemed like the right choice. Did you want a different partner?" 

⟨⟨My only preference was to have another Freelancer instead of a simulation trooper. My potential compatibilities would have been Agent Carolina, Agent Florida, Agent California, Agent Hawaii, Agent Kansas and you.⟩⟩ 

"Wait! Agent Florida? I thought he was dead! And the others – are Hawaii and Kansas joining us here?" 

⟨⟨They are already here.⟩⟩ 

"Show me," says Washington, but before Omicron can pull up the records, a mirthful voice interrupts. 

"Well, look who's finally awake!" says the cheerful voice of Agent Florida. 

"Butch! I thought you were dead!" 

"I was! Twice. Thank goodness for alien technology!" 

"That's pretty amazing. What are you doing here?" 

"Just rejoining my team," says Florida. "I'm Blue Leader." 

"Oh shit. Does that mean I'm your subordinate?" 

"David, please… I don't want rank to get in the way of our friendship!" 

"Right… maybe I should get up and go for a walk. Stretch my legs a bit." 

"I think you should rest, Davey. But if you want a friend to walk with, I'm your man!" 

"Thanks Butch. But I think I need some alone time with Om. Get used to having an A.I. again." 

"Whatever pleases you, sugar blossom." 

"Please don't call me that." 

………………………………………………… 

**Sarge's Bunk, Inside Red Base**

"I think I'm in love!" Donut says in his Alone Time with Sarge. He's currently giving Sarge a full body massage to take away the tension and stress of leading an army. The entire room smells like lilacs. Ever since he got shot in the line of duty, Donut has enough money for all the imported hand cream he wants. The UNSC really came through for them after the whole 'bringing down the Meta' thing. 

"Please tell me it's not someone on this team. I don't want you to make things weird," says Sarge. 

"Right. So I slick you up to relieve your stiff muscle and that's fine, but I say one sentence about my lovelife and that—" 

"Goddamnit Donut! You're making it weird again! Just shut up until we're done here." 

"Fine! …You still want that happy ending, Sir?" 

"I said 'until we're done here'. That means shut up, give me a massage, suck my honker and don't be a cockbiter!" 

Donut starts to say, 'Yes, Sir', but thinks better of it, going back to his duties. It isn't long before Sarge rolls over and wags his hard cock at Donut. Donut takes off his helmet and goes to work, licking, sucking and slurping until Sarge is thoroughly satisfied. 

Thank God Simmons and Grif never walk in on them. Ever since Sarge said he needs weekly Alone Time together with him, they always head out to patrol the canyon with their radios off. 

When they're done with Alone Time, Donut puts his helmet back on, and Sarge takes a nap in his room where Donut has lit several scented candles including one that smells like gun oil. Donut never questions it. Their leader really deserves some R&R, and once a week isn't much to ask for. 

Donut decides to visit Blue Base and see if his hunk of a man has made it there yet. If not, he can still talk to Caboose for a while and catch up now that they both have A.I.s. 

Lambda is pretty quiet most of the time, but always perks up when Donut thinks about his man. ⟨⟨You two should get Caboose to take pictures of you together.⟩⟩ says Lambda. 

"I think Tucker would be more comfortable with those kinds of pictures," says Donut as he starts walking across the canyon. 

⟨⟨I doubt he knows how to do tasteful nude portraits.⟩⟩ says Lambda. 

"Hmmm. You're probably right. Maybe Wash will take them! He owes me a few, you know." 

⟨⟨Agent Washington's profile suggests he is made uncomfortable easily. Perhaps Agent Kansas?⟩⟩ 

"Kansas is here?! I had so much fun running ops together with her! Is… oh God. It's Sister isn't it. What's Kansas's real name?" 

⟨⟨Special Agent Kaikaina Grif.⟩⟩ 

"Well, at least she'd be okay with this. Sure, let's find Kai. Where is she?" 

⟨⟨Sensors indicate she is in the caves. Mick is operational.⟩⟩ 

"Her D.J. A.I.? Huh. I guess old habits die hard. Can you get her on the radio for me?" 

⟨⟨It may be prudent to make sure Agent Florida is at Blue Base.⟩⟩ 

"Isn't he dead? Also, why would I care about Agent Florida being there?" 

⟨⟨Agent Florida is your Daddy.⟩⟩ 

Donut stops moving and sucks in a huge gasp. 

"You mean Daddy's a Freelancer?!" 

⟨⟨Like attracts like.⟩⟩ 

"Yeah, but… a Freelancer! I wonder if he was on the leaderboard…" 

⟨⟨Agent Florida was number 9.⟩⟩ 

"Just like the Love Potion! It's totally fate! It's meant to be! I wonder if I can get assigned to Blue team and start giving Daddy massages once a week…" 

⟨⟨That is unlikely, but I can send your request to command.⟩⟩ 

"Hmmm…. Let me think about it first. I don't know what Red Team would do without me!" 

⟨⟨Activating Adaptive Camouflage. Move left and stand against that rock.⟩⟩ 

"There's no rock there." 

⟨⟨Other left.⟩⟩ 

"Oh! That rock! Don't worry. I got this." 

Donut blends in to his surroundings as Washington walks by. He seems lethargic. Morose. But he walks past Donut and says, "Hi, Hawaii." 

"Wash. How did you see me? How did you know—" 

"Omicron told me." 

"Oh. I have Lambda! Isn't that cool!" 

"You haven't been paired with an A.I. before, have you?" 

"Nope! This is the first machine I've had in my head! Unless sounding counts…" 

"Jesus, Hawaii. You just never know when to stop talking." 

"You know a good way to shut me up?" 

"I can only assume it's to put something in your mouth. Like a plasma grenade." 

"Not a grenade! But there sure is an explosion!" 

"Are you and Sarge done with alone time?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"I capture you. You are captured. Now that you are the Blue Team's prisoner, Blue Leader will decide what to do with you. Far away from me. Here, I've got this cable. Just tie your hands behind your back and report to Blue Base. I'm going to the caves to help Kai with her sound system." 

"Okie dokie, Wash! Can do!" 

………………………………………………… 

**On Top of Blue Base**

"Stop staring at me like that," says Carolina. 

"I can't help it! It's my stupid A.I.!" says Tucker. 

"Just remind Phi that I'm technically the Alpha's daughter." 

"Ooh… that did it. ...No, Phi! Just because this is a sausage fest doesn't mean I have to turn to dudes! ...I don't care how horny you are! Fuck it, I'm going to find Sister." 

"Good luck with that," says Carolina with a laugh. 

"Thank you," says Tucker. "I don't care if you're being sarcastic. I need all the luck I can get." 

As Tucker walks off, Caboose walks on top of the base to talk to Carolina. 

"My dad isn't dead anymore!" he says excitedly. 

"What?" says Carolina. 

"My dad was dead and the new Blue Leader was dead and he told me to call him 'Daddy', so he must be my real Dad! Everything is good again!" 

"Caboose – Michael... He's not your real father. He's just creepily paternal. That's Captain Flowers. Was your father's last name Flowers?" 

"No, but maybe Flowers was his maiden name!" 

"I don't think that's—" 

"I'm going to go ask him to play ball! If he says 'Fudge you, halfwit!' I know he's my real Dad!" 

"Jesus. Your father used to say that to you?" 

"Not exactly… I mean he didn't really say 'fudge'... Oh my God! I want ice cream! Do you think my dad will take me out for ice cream?" 

"We have dehydrated ice cream in the mess hall if Tucker hasn't eaten all of it. Just don't substitute it with—" 

"Cotton candy! There's lots of it in the walls!" 

"And I've never been so relieved that the walls are solid concrete." 

"Just like rock candy! Thanks, Carolina! You know… you know where all the best snacks are. I really like that about you." 

"Thank you, Caboose. Zeta, do you think you could help him with this?" 

A gray holographic soldier appears at Caboose's shoulder. 

"If Agent California removes his helmet to eat, I can offer no assistance," says Zeta. 

"Great…" says Carolina. 

Caboose disappears into the base with a "Bye, Carolina!" 

A few minutes later, Caboose is back and he is _depressed_. 

"You were right, Carolina. He's not my real dad," says Caboose sadly. 

"Maybe so, but does that mean he's willing to play ball with you? Or take you out for ice cream." 

"He said yes to both, but I.. I don't really feel like it anymore." 

"It's okay Caboose. I'm sure Florida will be happy to play ball with you when you're feeling better." 

"Yeah. That'd be nice. He said he could still be my Daddy, but it's not the same. I want my real dad back." 

"I'm sure it will be okay, Caboose. What would cheer you up right now?" 

"Zeta says I should have the ice cream but no rock candy or cotton candy. I just need someone to eat it with." 

"I'm not hungry, but I'll join you if you like," says Carolina. 

"Hey guys! Blue Team!" shouts an approaching Donut. 

"What are you doing here, Donut? Trying to get captured?" asks Carolina. 

"Wash already captured me!" says Donut, stopping in front of the base. That's when Carolina notices his arms are behind his back. Her paranoia says he's planning something, but this is Donut. He's probably wearing fuzzy pink leopard print handcuffs. Or pink lace bindings or something. "He said I'm supposed to report to Blue Leader!" 

"Get in the base," says Carolina. "Florida will find you." 

………………………………………………… 

**Inside Blue Base**

Caboose is in the mess hall when he hears smooching from the next room. He isn't sure who else is in the base so he goes to look. Donut and Captain Flowers have their helmets off, Donut's hands are bound to the ceiling by a hanging cable and Captain Flowers' arms are around Donut's waist as they noisily make out. 

"Hey, guys," says Caboose. "Want some ice cream?" 

"No, Son," says Captain Flowers. "You can have _all_ the ice cream." 

"Yeah... New Dad, does this mean that Donut is my new mom?" asks Caboose. 

"No, my Boy. Franky here is my scrumptious little pumpkin! I'm _his_ Daddy too." 

"Oh. Okay. Then he is like my brother… that makes sense. All siblings in this canyon have to be on opposite teams. No one else can be my brother. Except maybe Doc." 

"Oh, Daddy, that's a great idea!" says Donut. "We should see if Doc wants to play doctor with us!" 

"Well, that sounds like a grand idea," says Captain Flowers. "But first, I have a couple of boys that need tending to. Why don't we wait to finish our interrogation and we can all go play ball and you can show me your favorite toys." 

"Wow! I've got a _lot_ of toys!" says Donut. 

"That's a great idea, New Dad! I can introduce you to Freckles! He's my pet mantis." 

"Well, I'll be damned if you two don't put a spring in my step and a bounce in my britches!" says Captain Flowers. "Micheal, why don't you show me your pet first? Then we can all play ball." 

"This is _awesome!_ " says Caboose enthusiastically. "He already knows how to fetch! I'll go get him!" 

"We'll meet you on the west side of the base," says Captain Flowers. "You got that, Zeta?" 

"Affirmative," says Zeta. 

Captain Flowers gives Donut a passionate kiss, running his fingers through Donut's curly locks before unbinding him at the wrists, leaving the cable hanging from the ceiling for later use as Caboose runs off to his bunk to retrieve Freckles. 

****

………………………………………………… 


	2. Captives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simmons spies on Blue Team.
> 
> Agent West Virginia arrives at Red Base.
> 
> Caboose learns bondage.

**Blood Gulch, Mid-Canyon**

"Grif! Simmons! I'm so glad I found you!" says Doc, traversing the mid-canyon field. "I have to give you your A.I. implants, but you had your radios are off."

"Yeah, there's a reason for that," says Grif. "Don't go to Red Base. Donut and Sarge are…"

"...in flagrante delicto," says Simmons.

"No they're not," says Doc. "I already went to Red Base. Sarge needed his implant procedure and he was already asleep, so I went for it. He's gonna wake up with one hell of a headache."

"Thank God," says Grif. "We never can tell when they're done."

"So Donut is shacking up with Sarge now?" asks Doc with a little bit of hurt in his voice.

"Sarge denies it, but they have scheduled Alone Time once a week, and we can put two and two together," says Simmons.

"Oh. Well Alone Time could be anything!" Doc says hopefully. "Maybe they're just playing Pong!"

"We don't have an Atari at the base," says Grif. "We have an X-Box Forty-One-Thousand Two-Hundred Fifty-Three . You know, like people who aren't cave men."

"Well, _some_ of us aren't cave men," says Simmons. "I use a computer for gaming like any sensible person would." 

"My _point_ is they aren't necessarily having sex," says Doc.

"No way," says Grif. "You ever see the way Sarge looks at Donut's lips over breakfast? If they're not bonin', then they're definitely suckin'. Or at least Donut is."

"You really think so?" says Doc. "I was hoping Donut would be single. And _Sarge_! He could do so much better than that!

"I don't think Sarge can do better than anyone," says Grif.

"I dunno, he might be good enough for your mom," says Simmons.

"Hey! Let's leave mothers out of this!" says Grif.

"It was an honest assessment," mumbles Simmons.

"I meant _Donut_ could do so much better!" says Doc. "If he's going to be with someone, he should be with a supermodel, or a millionaire or… or _me_..."

"What about a Freelancer?" asks Simmons. "We have those in the canyon."

"I don't think Wash is interested," says Grif.

"Didn't you get the memo?" asks Simmons. "Agent West Virginia is joining Red Team. And somehow the Blues have five Freelancers at their base already."

"Whoa! Five against one? That doesn't seem fair," says Doc.

"Hey! You're implying that the rest of us don't do anything!" says Simmons.

"But you don't, right?" says Doc. "I mean unless… does dicking around count as something?" 

"I've got an idea," says Simmons. "Doc, why don't you go spy on Blue Base for us and let us know what their Freelancers are like."

" _You_ go spy on them!" says Doc. "I'm neutral, remember?"

"Fine. Grif, cover me, I'm going in!" says Simmons.

…………………………………………………

**West of Blue Base**

Simmons watches from the shadows at the wall of the cliffs as Donut, Caboose and a man in Maya blue armor with pink accents play catch. Once Simmons thinks about it, he realizes Donut has Maya blue accents, making his armor the inverse of the man Simmons doesn't recognize. He watches in boredom for a while before he finally gives up and yells, "Hey, Donut! What are you doing at Blue Base?"

"I'm their prisoner!" yells Donut.

"And a fine one at that," says a mirthful voice.

"If you're a prisoner, why are you walking around?" asks Simmons.

"Daddy says I'm a trustworthy prisoner!" yells Donut.

"Daddy?" says Simmons to himself, "Oh fuck!" Then Simmons yells to Donut, "Who's your Daddy?!"

"Bow chicka bow bow!" yells Tucker over the radio.

"Captain Flowers! Right here in the stunning blue armor! Don't you love the accents? They look like _me_!"

"Sarge isn't going to like this…" Simmons says to himself. To Donut he says, "Okay, bye! I'll just tell Sarge the dirty rotten blues are gonna kill you!"

"See if I care! Being Daddy's prisoner is _way better_ than hanging out with you and Grif, you color-blind Philistines!"

Simmons doesn't know how to break this to Sarge. Or Doc to that matter. Then he decides, Fuck It. He'll just be blatant.

…………………………………………………

**Outside Blue Base**

"Okay, my sweet boys, why don't we huddle up for a second?" says Captain Flowers. 

Donut and Caboose eagerly join the huddle.

"Now that the Reds know Franky is captured, they're sure to react. They'll probably either launch a rescue mission or try to bargain. In either case, we aren't going to give up. I won't lose either of my special boys to those rascals on Red Team. Understand?"

"Yes, New Dad. I promise not to get lost," says Caboose.

"I got it, Daddio!" says Donut, "But just to make sure, why don't you tie me up again. You know, so I won't escape!"

"That's a marvellous idea. Michael, would you like to help me tie up Franky so he doesn't escape?"

"I believe that is unwise," says Zeta. "Agent California still has trouble coordinating his strength. It is possible he could tie Agent Hawaii too tightly and cause physical injury or asphyxiation."

"Thank you for your input, Zeta. Michael, how would you like to watch while I show you how to properly bind a prisoner?"

"That sounds great, New Dad!" says Caboose.

…………………………………………………

**Outside Red Base**

When Simmons gets back to Red Base, Grif is standing watch at the front entrance, diligently looking for signs of danger with his rifle in hand. But he's also snoring.

Simmons shoots him in the head.

And the hologram disappears. The real Grif appears sitting slumped against the wall, and Simmons shakes him awake.

"Hey Grif. You got your A.I.?"

"Hello, Captain Simmons," says a computerized voice as a dull red hologram appears. "We're bored so we're sleeping. Kindly fuck off."

The hologram disappears and Grif goes back to snoring. 

"Great. His A.I. is as lazy as he is. I better check on Sarge. He's sure to have problems with his A.I.," says Simmons to himself as he goes into the base. 

Simmons can hear the arguing before he gets to it. 

"You will be Red Leader over my dead body! And my shotgun agrees!" says Sarge in his gruff and overexcited voice.

"Strategically speaking Colonel, I have more experience. Plus, Command assigned me to this post. My job is to keep y'all from gettin' killed, make sure the A.I. are in good hands and keep you from endangering David."

"Who the hell is David?" asks Sarge totally confused. 

"Agent Washington."

"Wash?" says Sarge. "We've been covering his ass for years."

"So glad Donut's not here," says Simmons.

"Speaking of Donut, go get him!" says Sarge. "I need someone to outvote this bamboozler!"

"Technically, I could outvote him without Donut, Sir," says Simmons.

"Nonsense! This team needs Donut! Where is he?" says Sarge.

"He's been captured by the Blues. They're making him play catch with Caboose, and the new Blue Leader has Donut calling him 'Daddy'."

"Holy incest fetish, Simmons! Why didn't you rescue him?" says Sarge.

"In case you haven't heard, Blue Team now has five Freelancers," says Simmons.

"Yeah, but Kansas and California don't really count, Wash isn't at the Base and Carolina isn't really trying. If she was, Red Base would be captured by now and all of you would be playing ball with California," says Agent West Virginia, the man Sarge has been arguing with. His armor is a dull steel-maroon with gray accents.

"So California's the new Blue Leader?" asks Simmons.

"No, that's Florida," says West Virginia. 

"Who's California?" asks Sarge. "And how come we only get you?"

"Because Hawaii is already on your team and he can punch out anyone in one swing," says West. "Other than Texas and California, he's the only Freelancer with that kind of strength sans enhancement. He once dented California's helmet with his bare fist. Think about that. These helmets are designed to deflect _bullets_."

"So where's Agent Hawaii then?" asks Sarge.

"Apparently playing catch with the Blues," says West.

"Wait, what color is his armor?" asks Simmons.

"In training, it was dark gray with light gray accents but he always complained about it. I don't know what color armor he has now, but it's sure to be colorful."

"Great…" says Simmons.

"What's so great?" asks Sarge.

"Donut's a Freelancer, and we never noticed. Also, he's probably shacking up with all the Blues. Except Carolina and Sister."

"Don't get me wrong, Donut's a hell of a soldier, but there's _no way_ he's a Freelancer," says Sarge.

"It doesn't matter. Donut's captured, Grif's A.I. is as lazy as he is, and by the way, West Virginia, you're outvoted. Welcome to Red Team. You're third in command."

"Hey, I have orders!" says West.

"Do you actually care enough about them?" asks Simmons, "Trust me, wrangling this group of idiots is a full time job that you don't want."

"I'm second in command or I start killing first and second," West says fiercely.

"Okay, okay! You can be second in command," says Simmons. 

Doc walks into the base and says, "Okay, I've got two of these things left for Red Team. Who wants to go first?"

"Give me Tau," says West. "Now."

"Don't you want me to—" 

"Shut up," says West as he takes off his helmet, snatches the Tau A.I. from Doc's hands and pushes it into the back of his skull with a near silent grunt.

He puts his helmet back on and looks at Doc. Then he raises his pistol and says, "You. Medic. You're our prisoner. If the Blues want to have the rest of their A.I., they have to trade Hawaii for you. Colonel, get on the radio and tell Agent Florida he has a choice."

Doc has his hands above his head in surrender, and West Virginia pistol whips him at impossible speed, knocking him out. 

"Captain," West Virginia says to Simmons, "take the prisoner to the brig. Search him for Freelancer equipment and A.I. fragments and put them in a secure location. When the Blues trade Hawaii for Doc, he's all they're getting. But they won't know that."

"You're kind of scary," says Simmons. "I like how you take charge and—"

"Shut the fuck up and follow orders. I'll allow the colonel to be in command, but I'm in charge unless he gives you a direct contradicting order. Now search the prisoner and get him in the brig!!"

"Yes, Sir!" says Simmons, quickly searching Doc and pocketing the remaining A.I. fragments before dragging Doc away.

"You think you can just order my men around?!" says Sarge.

"Do you have a problem with that, _Sir_?" says West Virginia, putting his pistol away and juggling a grenade.

"Mmmmgggh. I guess not… what's your rank, anyways?"

"Special Agent."

"I see. Well, Agent, since our third in command is busy, our fourth in command is captured and giving you a tour is beneath me, go find Grif and tell him to show you around."

"I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. Based on his profile, I don't think Captain Grif would be much help."

…………………………………………………

**Inside Blue Base**

"What on Earth are you doing?" Carolina asks with humor in her voice as she walks in on Captain Flowers and Caboose tying up a near nude Donut.

"We're tying up the prisoner so he won't escape!!" says Caboose enthusiastically. 

At this point, Donut looks like a mummy, wrapped in everything from yarn to Christmas tree lights. 

"I thought it would be best to give Cali a shot at this after I demonstrated," says Flowers mirthfully. "And he's doing a _wonderful_ job."

Carolina laughs and laughs hard. 

"There are easier ways to do this," says Carolina. "You only really need to tie his hands, feet, waist and neck together."

"It's the boy's first time," says Flowers. "It's important to be encouraging."

Carolina smiles. "You're doing a wonderful job, Caboose," says Carolina, echoing Flowers. "Keep up the good work. Florida, I got news from Command. You've been promoted to Colonel."

"Well ain't that just dandy!" says Flowers. "Now I'm the same rank as Red Leader."

"That's the idea. Also, we got a proposal from Simmons. He says they've taken Medical Officer DuFresne prisoner and will trade him and the remaining A.I. for Donut."

"Never," says Flowers defensively. "Franky is my sweet little peach blossom, and they can pry him from my cold dead arms!"

"Okay!" says Carolina with her hands up in a combination of surrender and a calming gesture. "It's alright. We don't have to give up Donut, but we need the A.I. Doc has for Kansas, and Doc is the only one with the training for field implantation."

"Nonsense," says Flowers. "I was trained for it so that I could give Doc his A.I."

"Doc's getting Freelancer equipment?"

"Rho and Kappa are both experienced with medical procedures," says Colonel Flowers. "That's part of why they gave me Kappa."

"Church's paternity. I'm surprised there was any. It sounds like you're a great fit."

"That we are. Why don't we run an op to rescue DuFresne and the A.I. units and have Kansas, Cali, Wash and Tucker stand guard over the prisoner. Washington can stay right next to the prisoner as a last defense and activate his dome shield around himself and Franky to keep the Reds from getting to him. We keep three extra power units here to give him all the time he needs for us to intervene if the other guards are incapacitated. Meanwhile, you and I can take out West Virginia, storm Red Base and free DuFresne. What do you say, chum? Ready for an adventure?"

"Did you just call me 'chum'?" asks Carolina.

"That I did! How about it?"

"Sure, why not? I'll draw out West and you infiltrate Red Base from behind," says Carolina.

"That's a marvellous plan!" says Flowers. "I'll invade Red Base's behind so stealthily, they'll never know what hit them until I'm already inside and making explosions!"

"I forgot what it's like to really run an op with you," says Carolina. "You were always so quiet on Freelancer missions."

"The Director told me not to say a word, lest my phrasing distract my teammates. I still haven't figured out why he said that. I'm as pleasant as a firm bottom!"

"I can only assume you mean Donut," says Carolina humorously.

"You are _absolutely delightful_!" Flowers says with a mirthful laugh. "Let's gather the team and brief everyone on their mission objectives."

"If I may," says Zeta, appearing at Caboose's shoulder, "Agent California is battle ready and with my assistance can offer support as a sniper."

"I refuse to let Michael get too involved," says Flowers. "He can snipe from Blue Base and be our lookout."

"Yes, Colonel," says Zeta as he disappears, no doubt updating Caboose's heads up display with mission objectives and strategy.

Caboose goes to the armory, outfits himself with a sniper rifle, a minigun and grenades, all of them armed with lockdown foam.

Zeta takes the opportunity to guide Caboose once more before the briefing.

"Remember, California, the foam is _NOT_ cotton candy."


	3. Epsilon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parts of the Epsilon A.I. fragment are recovered, but Epsilon needs a human mind to fill in the gaps. Provate Jimmy volunteers to become the new Epsilon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for gay oral sex.
> 
> The new Epsilon and his relationship with Agent Washington were inspired by the work _Transgressions_ by **agent_florida**.

  


**Temple of Technology on Chorus**

Private Jimmy is having strange dreams. He remembers people he's never met. But at the same time, he doesn't. He remembers battles he's never been in and programming he's never had.

But most of all, he remembers being tortured until he unraveled, comforted only by the other voice in his head as he commits suicide over and over inside his comforter's mind. Soon they both unravel from the trauma and his host's mind turns against him, blaming him for everything, all their shared pain. This betrayal as his host's mind turns on him is one of the greatest pains he's ever felt. It's the person he trusted the most, because everyone else has lied to him. It's also the person who brought his own pain and reflected it on Jimmy when he blamed him for everything they've collectively been through.

He hates his agent the most.

He also loves him the most.

Jimmy is shaken awake by men he doesn't recognize as his dreams fade. He feels different. But today is his first day existing, so he has no basis for comparison.

"Who are you?" he asks. "Who am I?"

"We are here to take care of you. Do you think you can remember your name?" asks the calm voice of who appears to be the lead soldier. He's not wearing Federal or New Republic armor. (He doesn't know how he knows this, but he does.) It's something else entirely, a large domed helmet with an upside down Chevron across it. His voice is deep and gravelly but his tone is gentle and firm.

"I am Alpha," says Jimmy.

"No, that is not your name," says the man. "Your name is Epsilon. You are very special, Epsilon. You are a combination of human and A.I. Your human aspect was a volunteer for this procedure and your A.I. aspect, a fragment that was thought destroyed. Alien technology, an A.I. named Santa, revived it from backups he created years ago. The Epsilon A.I. is completely dependent on your human psyche to complete the gaps in his programming, and now, the human is completely dependent on the A.I. to survive. You are a new creation. There is no one else like you. Like I said, you are special. Tell me, do you know your name?"

"My name is Epsilon."

"Good. Our medical teams will tend to you for counseling and then you will be returned to your friends. Do you remember them?"

"I don't remember anything before today. Except…"

"Except what?"

"David… I miss David."

"I see. I hope you find what you're looking for. For now, we need to transport you to Armonia for medical and psychiatric evaluation."

"Will I get equipment?" asks Epsilon.

"What kind of equipment?" asks the man.

"Holographic interface… speed unit… I don't know. I feel like I can operate them though."

"Indeed. We'll suit you up once you're evaluated. Come with me."

Locus helps Epsilon to his feet and guides him to the waiting pelican.

…………………………………………………

**Aboard the Chorus Ship _Inheritance_ , bound for Blood Gulch**

The more Epsilon thinks about David, the more bitter he gets. The man all but abandoned him when he needed it the most! And Epsilon hates to admit that he'd forgive him in a heartbeat if he could just be _with_ him again, sharing their minds and being joined in some form of Unity that there isn't a word for. Communion? Symbiosis? Harmony?

Epsilon knows there is no harmony between them. But more memories have been coming back. The old Epsilon's memories seem to point to David risking his life over and over to protect him – from enemies, from imprisonment inside his own mind, from a hundred psychotic ex-girlfriends… and Epsilon remembers sacrificing himself to save David from the Meta by joining his mind with the chaos of the other fragments.

They've been through so much together, yet Epsilon is new to the world. How will David react to his new form? Will he accept him? Maybe even love him? The most confusing thing to Epsilon is the tightness in his pants when he thinks about David. He knows this is a human function. He knows what this is for. But it makes no sense to him. Aside from the fact that Epsilon is _very_ against creating progeny, they are both male. How would that even work? The sparse memories and knowledge Epsilon has don't give him an explanation and he becomes even more frustrated. 

It gets worse when the ship docks with _The Maiden Voyage_ and Command tells them he's been assigned to Agent Washington. Epsilon is to be his subordinate and always be by his side in case of an emergency. They brief Epsilon on David's condition: cerebral hypoxia. They tell him that the situation is to be a give and take, that they will watch out for each other and Agent Washington will teach him about the world and help him acclimate to life while Epsilon helps keep him safe and helps him when he has lapses in memory. 

Epsilon is _pissed_. 

If it's a give and take, why does he have to follow David's orders? Why should he listen to someone with brain damage? What makes them think Epsilon is willing to be subordinate to _anyone_?!

Soon, it's time to board the pelican to go down to the planet. They gave Epsilon brand new armor: steel blue with black accents and Freelancer equipment, but Epsilon carries it in a case, helmet tucked under his arm, because when he sees Agent Washington, he wants to look him in the eye. 

He wants David to know he's human – more than just a traumatized memory fragment – and underneath his rage, arrogance and indignance, he wants Agent Washington to know him for who he is now. 

Maybe then, he can grow to love him.

…………………………………………………

**Blood Gulch**

Carolina is in an epic battle with West Virginia. They're both using speed units, moving too fast for the naked eye as they go hand to hand, using their environment to their advantages and hitting each other with deadly force. But Tau is overconfident in his optimism and Psi warns Carolina of every move West makes just before he makes them, giving her a great advantage over him. 

They fight each other to exhaustion, but the healing unit West has helps him recover. He's just about ready to bury Carolina when she makes a comeback, throwing him into the side of the cliffs so hard that he is indented and lodged into the rock. Temporarily bound there, he struggles to free himself as Carolina gets on the radio.

"Florida, what's your status?" says Carolina.

"Objective complete," says Florida in his creepily mirthful voice. "And Michael has just made the most beautiful statue garden outside of Blue Base. Why, I don't think frozen soldiers covered in pink foam have ever looked so merry!"

"Good job," says Carolina. "I'll be back at Blue Base soon. I'm done here."

"Don't count on it!" says West Virginia dramatically as he makes an effort to break away from the cliff.

"Fine," says Carolina, and she speeds towards him, punching him in the helmet, denting it in and lodging his unconscious body further into the rock. " _Now_ I'm done here."

She makes her way over to Blue Base just as a pelican is landing in the nearby L.Z.

Locus leads a thin boy down the ramp, and the boy immediately makes his way to the base with his helmet, oversized backpack and armor case. As Locus explains the situation to Carolina, Epsilon finds Agent Washington's bunk in the barracks and starts unloading his stuff. By the time Agent Washington comes in, he finds a cot set up next to his bed and a lean, almost scrawny teenager with buzzed brown hair and stunning blue eyes laying down, leaning up to look at him.

"Well, FUCK!" says the teen. 

"Who are you?! What the hell are you doing here?! Why are you in my room and what the _fuck_ are you doing _naked_?!"

"I've been assigned to you, Wash. Trust me, it wasn't my choice. I'm sharing your room in case you have any episodes during the night."

"And why the FUCK are you NAKED?!"

"Because I felt like it. See something you like?"

Washington takes off his helmet. He goes over to his bed and starts taking his armor off, setting everything neatly on the ground at the foot of the bed.

When he looks up, Epsilon is hard as a rock and staring at him like nothing else exists.

"I guess I don't have to ask you the same thing. Look, I'm tired, so I'm going to take a nap. Would you like to join me?"

Epsilon immediately moves to get into Wash's bed as Wash climbs in himself. Wash holds him tight, their heads resting on the same pillow and Epsilon's hard-on grinding into Wash's abs.

"So, what's your name, beautiful?" says Wash, trying to be smooth.

"Was that… are you trying to fucking pick me up? I'm already in your fucking bed! Consider me picked up!"

"I was just… call me crazy, but if I'm going to lay naked with someone, I'd like to know their name."

"You're fucking crazy. And Hi, I'm Epsilon."

Wash gets out of the bed in the blink of an eye, standing naked at the far wall of the room and starting to cover his half-staff genitalia.

"WHAT?!" Washington nearly screams.

"Look, I'm new to this, I know we have unresolved issues, and I know you don't like me, but I'm here, and you wanted to take a fucking nap with me so let's take a fucking nap, you pansy-ass motherfucker!"

"Church?!" screams Washington.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!! _MY NAME IS EPSILON!!!_

"Okay, okay. Epsilon. Are you the Epsilon I know? The one that killed himself while inside my brain? Repeatedly?"

"Kind of… I mean I haven't really sorted that out yet. I've only been alive a few days, but I have these memories and images. I think I was made from the Epsilon that… that was part of the Project."

"Okay. And you know me, don't you?"

"You're the only person I do know, Wash."

Wash tries to calm himself down, and this is apparent to Epsilon. He does the only thing that comes naturally and kneels in front of Washington, head at crotch level.

"What the fuck are you doing?" asks Wash. He seems more curious than mad.

"I like you and you don't like me. I thought if I… if I do _this_... you might like me more."

"How old is your human body?" asks Wash.

"Sixteen."

"Oh, fuck. Look, I don't think this is a good idea," says Wash as he lets Epsilon move his hands to reveal his cock and balls.

"Shut the fuck up and let yourself have this, you ass-sucking fucktard," says Epsilon as he guides Washington's dick into his mouth. 

Washington sighs before gasping. Epsilon sucks the tip of his glans first before swirling his tongue under Washington's foreskin and sucking half of his cock into his mouth. Wash is a good ten inches, and once he's hard, his girth nearly fills Epsilon's mouth. Wash places his hands on the boy's buzzed head and starts to fuck his throat as Epsilon sucks him in to the hilt. 

Washington uses Epsilon like a Fleshlight, fucking into his mouth at his own pace, building slowly to his climax. 

Epsilon is lost in sensation. He can't help but think, this is the closest thing to the unity he's been missing, and he lets Wash do whatever he wants with him. 

He was ready to punch someone when they said he would be Washington's subordinate, but now, as he sucks and deepthroats his Agent's cock, gripping his hips as Wash holds his head tightly and pummels into his face, he realizes he wouldn't have it any other way. He would do anything David tells him to.

When Wash comes, it's hard and hot and spurts across the back of Epsilon's tongue and gushes down his throat as Washington fucks in and out past his gag reflex, eventually relaxing behind it and holding Epsilon's mouth against his crotch until he nearly passes out. Wash helps Epsilon into the bed and snuggles up behind him, spooning him and pressing his cock between Epsilon's buttcheeks. 

"That was wonderful, Epsilon," is all Washington says before drifting into sleep beside his new lover.

Epsilon sighs contentedly. He may never share a mind and body with David again, but this is the next best thing, and it was _fantastic_!

…………………………………………………

**Outside Blue Base**

Tucker is spraying Simmons, Grif and Lopez with the solution to dissolve the lock-down foam. Caboose tries to help, but he ends up playing in the spray like a kid playing in a yard sprinkler. Finally, Colonel Flowers calls him over to the actual water hose and rinses the solution off Caboose's armor before going and helping Tucker by rinsing the solution from Grif as Grif slowly gets his motion back. When Grif does finally move, he lays down on the ground where he is and starts snoring.

Simmons, on the other hand, is complaining constantly about the foam, saying he'd rather be riddled with bullets than covered in the 'pink hell spray'. Tucker asks him if he'd rather get stabbed, and Caboose says, "Hey chicka bump bump!"

"Caboose! What did I tell you about that!'

"Sorry, sorry," says Caboose.

"Be nice to your teammates, Lavernius," says Colonel Flowers. "Team building is important and we should all be encouraging to one another."

"You haven't been around for the past twelve years, so I don't expect you to understand, but hating each other while working together is an art we have perfected. I can say whatever I want to Caboose and we'll always have each other's backs. Check this out: Hey Caboose! Your mother is a whore so fat that when she walks on the beach, she leaves glass footprints!"

"Well that's not very nice," says Caboose. "Especially coming from you, stupid, slutty Tucker."

"Enough, boys!" says Flowers. "Lavernius is promiscuous, but slut-shaming is not allowed on this team, Michael. I used to be pretty promiscuous, myself. And Lavernius, not only was that insult uncalled for and scientifically inaccurate, but I can assure you that Selina was both a lady and rather slender."

"Whoa! You know Caboose's mom?!" says Tucker. "Did you bang?"

"Lavernius, that is none of your business. But yes, we made love like rabbits in springtime."

"Wait, how long ago was this?" says Tucker. "Are you potentially Caboose's mom's baby-daddy?"

"Why do you think I call him 'Son'?" says Flowers.

"Because your a creeper with a father/son fetish," says Tucker.

"Duly noted. But no, Tucker. This conversation is over. I expect you to be more supportive and less abrasive towards your teammates."

"Yes, Colonel Flowers," Tucker says dejectedly. 

"Good. Now, Captain Simmons. You are to report to your Commanding Officer that we will be keeping Agent Hawaii for the foreseeable future. He's ours now, and Red Team will never get him back. Run along with Mr. Pesado and I'll send Captain Grif over when he wakes up. Thank you for your cooperation," says Colonel Flowers as he levels his rifle at Simmons' head.

Simmons screeches before running off in the direction of Red Base, yelling, "Yes, Sir!" behind himself.

…………………………………………………

**Blue Base, Washington's Bunk**

Epsilon still doesn't know how sex with a man would work, but he can't help from grinding his ass backwards onto Washington's growing erection. Right now, he kind of wishes he had a vagina. Or maybe a manual for having male-on-male sex. Do they face each other and hump? Is cocksucking the closest they can come? It's not like Epsilon has an orifice that… could… be… well, hot damn! How the fuck is he going to fit Wash's cock in there? It seems impossible! 

Whatever. Epsilon's pretty sure he can manage the impossible. And the pleasure at feeling Wash's cock between his asscheeks suddenly makes more sense. Experimentally, he spreads his asscheeks with his hands and runs his asshole right over Wash's glans. 

It feels really good. 

That's when Wash starts to wake up.

"What are you…? Why…? Damn boy! You really don't know when to stop. You trying to get another load out of me?"

"I'm just trying to fucking figure this out. It never occurred to me that… I mean, is this normal?"

"You want me to fuck your ass."

"Maybe. I don't fucking know. That's why I'm fucking experimenting."

"With my cock. While I'm asleep."

"Well I figured you'd think it was gross. But honestly, since this body was cleansed for the procedure, I've never shit before and I no longer need to eat, so my ass is going to always be way the fuck cleaner than anyone else's."

"That's… that's pretty cool. Are you interested in anyone else? Because if you are, we're going to have to have a talk about consent."

"Just you, Wash. I can't stop thinking about you. When we were… when I… _earlier_ , when you…"

"Spit it out."

"I just want to be close to you. I figure having your cock in me is as close as it gets. So I guess I'm trying to figure out gay sex."

"You have Epsilon's memories but no knowledge of anal sex."

"That would be correct," says Epsilon. "But I don't remember everything he knew. I just know deep down that I'm supposed to be _with_ you."

"Is this some sort of programming I don't know about?"

"I don't fucking know! I don't know how I was made! But I think it's more based on compatibility. In the Project, they paired us together for a reason."

"That doesn't matter. You're here now and I'm not letting anyone else have you. You're mine, Epsilon. No one else's."

"That's the only way I want it, David."

"Don't call me that. It's Washington."

"Fine, Wash, whatever. Point is I'd jump in front of gunfire for you and that's part of who I was and who I am. All I want is to be with you. Don't make this weird."

"Epsilon, you're the one grinding your ass on my dick while we have a serious discussion. I'm not good with emotions. And I'm not usually possessive. But you're right – you're _my_ A.I. and I'm going to take responsibility for you. I– damnit! Stop trying to fit it in there without lube!"

Epsilon spits into his hand.

"Not right now, okay E?"

"Fucking fine!" says Epsilon with a frustrated sigh. 

"Look, I'm going to take care of you. Okay? That's all the emotional crap I can handle right now."

"I'll take care of you too, Wash," says Epsilon. "I just want you to…"

"Want me to what?"

"You said 'no more emotional crap' so it can fuckin' wait."

"Alright then. Now do you want to nap or do you want to suck me off again?"

"Both, but the latter first."

…………………………………………………


	4. Acts of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent Florida gives the Blue Team's captives a night to remember. 
> 
> Caboose finds his way into someone else's bed.
> 
> Washington has a memory lapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for gay sex, prisoner fetish and daddy fetish.
> 
> Additional warning for coping with cerebral hypoxia and panic attacks.

  


**Blue Base, The Brig**

Doc doesn't know why he's the Blues' prisoner but he's starting to get used to it. Currently, he's chained together with Donut, and they're both naked for some reason. 

That reason becomes apparent when Agent Florida comes in, strips off his armor and starts stroking his massive dick. The chains are undone, and Agent Florida pins Doc against the wall. Doc is so repressed and filled with lust for the monster cock rubbing on his ass that he just says, "Take me. Any way you want."

"That's all I needed to hear," says Florida mirthfully as he begins to lube Doc's ass with gun oil. The smell bothers Doc a little. He isn't big on guns, but with his recent progress in integrating his D.I.D., he's come to reconcile with violence in general.

And Florida is achingly slow. This is anything but violent as Florida carefully invades his asshole with the precision and care that Doc himself would give. Doc keeps pushing backwards with his hips, anxious for more, but the huge cock is stretching him in ways he's never imagined, and he learns patience all over again while Florida takes him slow and easy. By the time Florida bottoms out, Doc is utterly prepped, and Florida starts giving him smooth gentle strokes, small at first and then gradually harder and faster. 

Doc comes three times untouched before Florida starts calling his name, "Frank! Frank! OhmyGod! I'm gonna fucking come!"

To Doc it seems like forever as he waits to be filled with semen, but when he finally is, it's slow and satisfying, pumping into him so much it leaks around the four inch girth inside him and Florida just keeps fucking him, all the way through the orgasm and without stopping, reaches around to fist Doc's small cock and pump him until he comes for a fourth time. The tremors and contractions of Doc's ass squeeze Florida so hard that he starts coming all over again, and they both ride the bliss out. 

When Florida stops fucking him, he stays inside for another ten minutes as they gasp and pant, trying to catch their breath. Florida kisses him on the cheek, calls him a 'perfect little boy' and pulls out so incredibly slowly, not letting his exit shock Doc's body.

…………………………………………………

**Blue Base, The Brig**

Agent Florida lays Doc down on a cot to get some rest. Doc noticeably avoids sitting on his bottom and Florida smiles, happy he was thorough and pleasing. With luck, his come will still be filling him in the morning instead of leaking out all over the cot. 

He turns his attention to his perfect boy, his sunshine, who's whining in anticipation. They haven't ever made love, but Florida knows Donut wants it as much as he does. He detaches the chains binding Donuts wrists to the ceiling and wraps them around the braces of a cot, laying Donut down on the cot in the process. He gently spreads Donuts cheeks and starts licking that perfect smooth and hairless ass. The globes of Donut's bottom feel perfect in his tight grip, and the taste of his ass is as sweet as Florida hoped it would be. 

Florida rims Donut for about twenty minutes, Donut keening the whole time, thrusting his hips backwards as Florida's magical tongue does things to him he's only dreamed of. 

When Florida is finished, Donut's already come, humping the cot in his front and Florida's mouth alternately in the rear. He's also thoroughly lubricated and ready for what comes next.

"I love you, my perfect cupcake," admits Florida. "My good little boy. My beautiful boy… My Franky."

"I love you too, Daddy," says Donut as Florida pushes into his entrance. The girth is amazing. Donut doesn't think he could take it if he hadn't practiced with toys of similar size, but by the time all sixteen inches are inside him, he's wondering how he can take it at all.

It hurts just a little bit, but it's the perfect amount, just like Donut likes. Florida waits for him to adjust and relax before he starts thrusting and Donut is seeing stars, still in his post-orgasmic bliss from before and humping backwards onto his Daddy's cock as Florida picks up the pace. 

Eventually, Florida is ramming him with speed and force that makes Donuts entire vocabulary abandon him, and the stream of 'I love you's from before completely turns to mush in his mouth, leaving him with wordless cries of ecstasy. The fat balls slapping against his ass as Florida dominates him and takes him apart are just one more arousing thing about his Daddy. He can't believe how into this fetish he's getting. He almost wishes Florida was his real dad.

When Florida comes hard in his ass, burying his meat in Donut's donut hole to the hilt, Donut comes too, beyond bliss at the sensation, and his orgasm just makes Florida come even more. 

They lay there for an hour afterwards while Florida gives him a lazy fuck with his still hard dick. Donut knows now he's even more in love than he thought he could be, and without meaning to, he slips into submission, going from bossy bottom to eager submissive.

…………………………………………………

**Blue Base, Colonel Flowers' Bunk**

After Florida showers and returns to his room, he's surprised to find Caboose in his bed.

"Are you okay, Son?" asks Florida.

"I think so," says Caboose. "I just got scared, and being in your bed helps me feel not so scared."

"That's okay. Would you like me to leave?"

"Yeah, umm, no. Would you lay down with me?"

Florida goes to take off his towel and put on his sweatpants. He climbs into bed with Caboose, laying next to him and holding his hand.

"I'm here, Son. I promise nothing will hurt you. Kappa will warn me of any danger, and God help anyone who dares attack you."

"Thanks, New Dad. You know, you are really helpful. I don't feel scared anymore," says Caboose.

"I'm glad, Michael. Would some hot tea help you sleep? Or maybe some hot cocoa?"

"Thanks, but that's okay. You're enough."

…………………………………………………

**Blue Base, Agent Washington's Bunk**

Agent Washington wakes up from a nightmare, covered in sweat and hugging a lean naked body in front of him. He doesn't know where he is or how he got there. Did he get drunk? Was he drugged? All he knows is that the sleeping figure before him is muttering, "I love you, David," in his sleep. Washington starts to get out of bed, but the figure he's spooning rouses as he pulls away.

"You okay Wash?" asks the man in bed with him.

"Did we…? When did I start liking guys? And where are we?"

"It's alright, Wash. We're in your room at the Blue Base in Blood Gulch, and you have a neurological condition that causes lapses in memory. You'll be okay, it will just take a few minutes to remember."

Washington starts to freak out about the 'neurological condition' part, but the man – no, _boy!_ – in his bed holds his hand as he starts to hyperventilate and a soothing voice in his head tells him he's safe. This boy is someone he can trust. By the time he stops hyperventilating, he starts to panic again as he recognizes the voice in his head as _an A.I. fragment!_

Again, the voice in his head sends him soothing thoughts, and the hand held in his steadies him until his episode is over. 

When he calms down enough, he asks the boy, "Did we… I mean did I…?"

"You okay, Agent Washington?"

"Have we had sex?"

"Only oral. Don't worry, you were the 'top' both times."

Washington feels guilt piling onto him along with exasperation. Not only is he apparently gay, he had oral sex with _a child!_ How can he ever forgive himself for this? Will this underaged stranger ever forgive him for violating him so young? They both need therapy, that's for sure.

The voice in his head says, ⟨⟨The boy is Epsilon reincarnated into a human body. He loves you unconditionally, and he is here to help.⟩⟩ 

"Church?" says Washington.

The boy sighs. "No, I'm not Church. My name is Epsilon. I'm your boyfriend? Lover? Something like that. Anyways, I'm sure you'll feel better soon. Do you want me to get you some water or something to eat?"

"A snack would be nice."

"Okay, I'll be right back. Om, keep him stable and run the healing unit."

"Affirmative," says the A.I. out loud.

When Epsilon leaves, Washington collapses on his bed. How long has he been with the new Epsilon? How long has he had brain damage? That must be what his 'neurological condition' is. He's not stupid.

The last thing he remembers is a distress call from Church and the mission with the Reds and Blues to go find him. Did they find him? Is that boy how Epsilon was found? How long ago was that mission?

These questions tumble through his head like bingo balls in a turning cage, but by the time Epsilon returns with a fruit salad, a grilled cheese sandwich, orange juice, a protein shake, eggs, bacon and protein bars, Washington has put most of it together. 

"That's quite a snack," says Washington as Epsilon serves him his plate.

"I said I'd take care of you, and I meant it," says Epsilon. "I wanted you to have options."

"Thank you, Epsilon. I appreciate it."

"Do you remember me now?"

"Yes, E. I remember. Now how about you help me eat all this food before it gets cold."

"The fruit, juice and shake—"

"— Shut up and kiss me."

"Is that a direct order?" 

"As a matter of fact, it is."

"Wash, we've never kissed before."

"I know. But you need to shut up, and I can't tell you how I feel. I might as well show you."

When they kiss, it's electric, calming and passionate. Epsilon feels as close to whole as he's ever felt before, and Washington tries to say with his kiss what he can't say out loud.

_I love you too, Epsilon._


	5. Possessive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Washington gets possessive of Epsilon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for possessive, possibly unhealthy behavior and gay oral sex with a smidgen of anal (just the tip).

  


**Blue Base, Washington's Bunk**

When Epsilon wakes up, he feels lips on his. At first it's chaste, but once Epsilon blinks the sleep from his eyes, a familiar tongue slides into his mouth, rolling over his own tongue and making him whimper in lust and need. 

Washington pulls back. 

"Good morning. What was it you said last night? Boyfriend? Lover?"

"Wash, I don't know what we are, I just know—"

Lips crash against his again, fiercely dominating him with a passionate kiss.

Washington looks at him with lust in his eyes. "I'm not your boyfriend. I'm not your lover. I'm your Agent and you're my partner. _My_ A.I. You're my subordinate, E. Don't forget your place!"

"Wash, where is this coming from? Do you think you own me or something?"

"Yeah, E. I kinda do. You have a problem with that, _Private_?"

"No, Agent."

"You want me. You need me. And I'm going to enjoy every second we're alone together," says Washington.

Epsilon parts his lips and breathes heavily.

"Are you trying to fucking dominate me?" asks Epsilon.

"I did that the first time I fucked your throat. And you'd give anything to suck my cock again. Wouldn't you?"

Epsilon stays silent, not willing to confirm or deny the accusation. He won't lie to his Agent, and he can't process the truth. Instead he says what is really on his mind.

"Do you love me, Wash?"

"What the fuck?" says Wash, flabbergasted by the word 'love'.

"I'm sorry. I fucked up," says Epsilon, getting out of bed and dashing for the door. He doesn't even process that he's still nude, just that he has to get out of there.

But Washington is faster. He grabs Epsilon's wrist and pulls him into a hug while fiercely sucking, licking and biting Epsilon's neck earning choked moans.

"You didn't fuck up," says Washington. "But say you're mine. Say you utterly and completely belong to me."

"Wash, I… I utterly and completely belong to you. Always. Forever."

Wash kisses him gently. "I'll hold you to that, partner. Do you want to suck me off before breakfast?"

"Fuck yes!" says Epsilon, a little too excitedly. 

Wash strokes Epsilon's face with a hand, marvelling at how small he seems against him, and licks and kisses the other side of his face. When he gets to his ear, he says, "You're mine, Epsilon. I'll never let anyone take you from me. Never again."

Epsilon wants to know where this possessiveness is coming from. Is it codependency? Is it just a weird lustful fetish? Does Wash actually consider him property? Or is Wash looking for the chance with Epsilon that he never had with the original: the chance to be together, unified as one without the trauma dividing them.

He doesn't voice any of this, moaning instead as Washington licks, sucks and bites just under his jawline. 

Finally Epsilon finds himself saying something, over and over like a mantra: "I'm yours Wash! I'm totally yours! I love you! God, I love you, Wash!"

Wash whispers in his ear, "I love you too."

Then Epsilon is being pushed to his knees and he eagerly sucks on the growing cock in front of him, bringing Washington to ecstasy twice in half an hour, savoring each moment that Washington fucks into his throat, filling it with the girth of his hard cock, cherishing the feel and taste of Wash's come and sinking into the sensation of being owned. 

When Wash is done with him, he picks Epsilon up and tosses him on the bed.

"We have a few minutes to cuddle. You want to rub your asshole against my cock. I want that too."

Epsilon doesn't have to be told twice and he spreads his cheeks as Washington climbs into bed with him and presses the tip against his hole. Washington braves a lubeless thrust, pushing the head in, and Epsilon's ass clenches something fierce, but all Epsilon registers is the fact that Wash is inside him and the closeness and perfection of his following gentle thrusting brings Epsilon to an orgasm he didn't realize was built up. Epsilon cries out in pleasure, panting, moaning and screaming. Wash just kisses his neck and keeps thrusting in and out with the tip, teasing his hole and giving Epsilon a sensation he never wants to stop.

Eventually, they make it down to breakfast, suited up in their armor, helmets off and eat at the table with Carolina and Florida.

Florida gives them a knowing grin that makes Epsilon concentrate very hard on the oatmeal he's eating, comparing the texture to his Agent's jism and wishing he could have more of _that_ for breakfast.

"Good morning," says Washington. 

"Apparently a very good morning," says Carolina.

"You heard," says Washington. 

"The hallway echoes," says Florida. "I am delighted you make each other so happy! Congratulations on your budding romance."

"Thanks," says Washington, trying to keep from being awkward about it.

Epsilon eats his oatmeal a little faster and goes for seconds.

"I thought you said you didn't need to eat," says Wash, mockingly.

"I'm stress eating, okay? I'm not used to any of this. I'm sorry if this makes me—"

"—It's alright, Epsilon. Don't worry about it," says Washington. "You're entitled to eat breakfast if you want to."

"Thank you," says Epsilon, holding in a 'Damn right, I do!'.

"How are the prisoners? asks Carolina.

"They are just peachy!" says Florida. "I've made sure they're very comfortable in their new home."

"You're going to keep them in the brig?" asks Washington.

"For the foreseeable future," says Florida. "Command has denied Donut's request to join Blue Team, so he has to remain a prisoner for now. I'm sure they'll acclimate nicely. We can invite them to dinner and board game night and they can play ball with Caboose. I'm rather certain they won't be running away."

"Should we congratulate you on _your_ budding romance?" asks Wash.

"Romances. And only if you like. My relationship with my beautiful sweet Boys is quite different from you and Epsilon."

"Because you have a father/son fetish instead of a military dominance fetish?" asks Tucker as he enters the room.

"Why, yes. I love my boys as a father and as a lover. But I treat Michael differently. He's no virgin, but I feel like he deserves a different kind of attention."

"Wait, Caboose isn't a virgin?!" Tucker asks, almost hysterically.

"That is his business, but at the risk of being a gossip, he was quite promiscuous in college," says Florida.

" _CABOOSE WENT TO COLLEGE?!!_ " screams Tucker.

"He has three degrees, Lavernius. Have you never seen his profile?" says Florida. 

"No," says Tucker. "What is he, like a secret genius?"

"You're being a cock biting dickhole, Tucker," says Epsilon. "Just drop it already."

"Damn," says Tucker. "The new guy is loud _and_ mean. It's almost like having another Church around."

"Just shut up! Shut! Up! You're being a dick! Stop being a dick, Tucker!" says Epsilon.

"Tucker, this is Epsilon," says Washington. "He's what's left of the original Epsilon, so there are bound to be similarities."

"Church!" screams Tucker, "I thought we'd lost you! You blinked out after our battle on _The Staff of Charon_ and I thought I'd never see you again!"

"I'M _NOT_ CHURCH!!! MY NAME IS _EPSILON_!! I'M _NOT_ YOUR DEAD FRIEND, I'M JUST MADE FROM HIM, SO STOP BEING SAPPY AND STOP BEING A FUCKTARD!! I'M NOT HIM!! MY NAME IS _EPSILON!!!_ "

"Okay, dude! Chill out!" says Tucker.

"I'm Epsilon, goddamnit!" says Epsilon before going silent. 

Epsilon quickly finishes his breakfast and goes to Washington's room to sulk. 

"Maybe E and I should skip training today," says Wash. "He's dealing with a lot, and I need to be there for him."

"Understandable," says Florida. "You are excused for the rest of the day. I'll take over training the Team today."

"Thanks, Florida," says Washington before taking one last bite of his waffle and hurrying after Epsilon.

He finds Epsilon naked on the cot and shakes his head for a moment.

"Get in my bed, you idiot."

Epsilon immediately obeys and Washington strips off his armor and joins him, hugging him close to his side.

"Are you okay, E?" Washington asks sympathetically. 

"Fine!" says Epsilon, clearly not fine.

"Okay, whatever you say. You know you can talk to me. If you can trust me enough to let me stick my cock in you, you can trust me with your feelings."

"That isn't automatically true," says Epsilon.

"Okay. Granted," says Washington, "But still, part of being mine means I'm responsible for you, and I will do whatever it takes to take care of you. That includes listening if you need an ear."

"Thanks, Wash. I think I just need to cuddle with you for a while. I'm a little overwhelmed."

"It's okay. We'll cuddle. Do you want anything? I don't think you finished breakfast."

"I don't really need to eat. It's just a waste of food."

"If it helps you feel better, then it's not a waste," says Washington.

"Do we have any cinnamon rolls?" asks Epsilon. "I think those were my favorites. I don't know if it's from my human side or my A.I. side, but I'm craving pastries."

"I'll have Donut start baking some things, just give me a few minutes to get him from the brig and sic him on the kitchen."

"Okay. Wash… I love you."

"I know you do," says Washington. He refuses to get gushy with Epsilon on a regular basis and doesn't want to encourage that kind of behavior, so he doesn't say it back, but the tone of his voice is soft and affectionate, and Epsilon smiles at him.

Only then does Washington remember how young, how boyish he is. Epsilon is a brand new being, and his body is youthful and slender. His face screams underage, and his smile seems innocent, if a little haunted at times. Washington hurries off to the brig, trying to forget that he's in a fucked up sexual relationship with a child. 

It doesn't go away though, but when Washington returns to his room again and sees the way Epsilon lights up at his presence, he knows he could never disappoint the boy. He'll take him every way he possibly can if only to merge them as close as they can be. If only to keep that smile on his partner's face.

When he gets in bed, he says, "Donut will let us know when the cinnamon rolls and cookies are ready. He says he's going to bake a cake after that."

"But I'll be dirty. You know, _down there_..." grumbles Epsilon.

"I don't give a shit," says Washington.

"Wash? Did you just make a poop pun?"

"Not really, but if it will make you laugh, then sure."

Epsilon cracks a smile. "You really do care about me."

"Yeah, E. I do. More and more by the minute. But don't let that go to your head and don't expect me to get gushy. You've already had over three years worth of emotion from me in the last twenty-four hours."

"Okay, Wash. I'll stop asking."

"Good," says Wash, snuggling closer and pulling Epsilon half into his body. "Just relax. We know what we are."

"I'm yours," says Epsilon.

"Damn straight," says Wash.


	6. New Developments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freckles gets a new home while Donut designs a home for himself and Doc.
> 
> Wash and Epsilon further their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for gay sex.

**West of Blue Base**

"Alright, Caboose, hand me that plasma soldering iron. We're almost done," says Epsilon. 

Washington is supervising as Epsilon finishes making a mid-sized Mantis from scratch. It's about six feet tall and has black armor with electric blue and neon green lights. There are neon green triangular dots on its 'head' to give it the freckles the Mantis A.I. was originally named for. It only took Epsilon two hours, and he blended human and alien technology seamlessly: alien power source, human circuitry, alien weaponry, Freelancer cloaking unit and a chassis of alien metal in a human-made design.

Wash couldn't be more proud of his partner.

"You mean this one?" asks Caboose, somehow handing Epsilon a clothes iron from God-knows-where.

"No, Caboose. That green and black glowing stick on the ground," Epsilon says patiently.

"Ah, okay!" says Caboose, and he puts the clothes iron down and passes the soldering iron to Epsilon who then seals the chassis shut.

"Okay, time to move Freckles to his new home," says Epsilon. 

Caboose runs off to retrieve Freckles in his toy robot form and Washington pulls out AA batteries from his utility belt in case Caboose forgets. Currently, Freckles goes through AA batteries like Grif goes through Oreos, and they don't need anything interrupting the transfer. 

Epsilon preps the hard line, and when Caboose gets back, they change Freckles' batteries and hook him up to the larger Mantis. Caboose runs off to tell Florida that Freckles is getting a new body, as Epsilon starts the transfer and watches the air around the two Mantes. 

"E, what are you looking at?" asks Washington.

"I'm double checking his coding for errors. So far, everything seems good, but there are a few numbers that seem off. I'm watching for further discrepancies in case it's something more than a fluke."

"You can do that? How?"

"I'm part computer, Wash. And I don't need an interface to access the data. It's sort of built in, like eyes access light as information."

"Holy shit. And you never told me?"

"I've only been here three days, Agent. It didn't seem relevant to bring up before. I've been interfacing with you most of the time and that doesn't require any… what should we call this? Cyber-sense?"

"We'll think of something," says Washington. 

"Anyways, I'm looking forward to training with you."

"I'm going to train you hard. You may hate me by the end of it."

"I'll forgive you as long as we're… whatever we are."

"You're exact words were 'always' and 'forever'. I'm holding you to that."

"And here I thought you were afraid of commitment," says Epsilon humorously. 

"It's not like we're getting married. You're not my girlfriend, you're just my… _mine_."

"I know Wash. And you're my Agent. You know I never want anyone else."

"Good. Seeing any more errors?"

"Not so far, but this is the part I expected to be clean. It's gonna take another hour to transfer the programming. I slowed down the process when I saw the first error. You can go do something else if it's a better use of your time."

"I'll sit with you. We're here to help each other, remember?"

"Yeah. We are. Can I sit in your lap?"

"That is unprofessional and unbecoming. No. But I suppose we can hold hands if it means that much to you."

…………………………………………………

**Blue Base**

"New Dad! New Dad!" yells Caboose, "Freckles is going to be big again! Oh my God! This is so exciting!"

"What a wonderful day this is!" says Florida. "Your pet gets fixed up good as new and Franky finally finishes designing the new decor for the brig. Would you like to see the computer simulation he's been working on?"

"Okay!" says Caboose. They go to the brig where Donut is working on a laptop. Donut excitedly pulls up his home decorating program and shows them the simulations he's been working on. The walls will be navy blue with thick pink stripes near the crown molding and there's going to be a wall dividing the brig into two parts. A living area and a prison area with multiple cells. The living area will be modern and chic, and lacks the lace or frills Florida was expecting from Franky in favor of sleek edges and solid furniture. There's a flatscreen TV and computer interface set for the right wall – the wall separating the living area from the hallway to the cells – and a couch against the opposite wall with a sleek black coffee table in front of it and glass bookshelves in the corners against the adjoining wall that faces the entrance to the room. The bookshelves frame a painted mural of multi-shade blue swirls and circles against a black background, and the hall to the cells is the only bare concrete. The flooring in the living area is steel-navy-stained mahogany wood panels with decorative rugs. The cells are unique. One has ergonomic flooring made of foamy rubber and the other occupied one has mauve carpet. A third one is covered in rubber matting that Florida recognizes as standard for BDSM dungeons. There are three more cells, but the computer simulation doesn't have them decorated. 

"That is really neat, Donut," says Caboose.

"Is _sure_ is!" says Florida affectionately. "Franky, do you have the list of supplies you'll need?"

"Annotated and alphabetized by category!" says Donut.

"Send it to my datapad, please. I'll sweet-talk whoever I have to at Command to get you all the supplies you need," says Florida still in his mirthful, cheery voice. "Now, who wants piggy back rides through the caves while we wait for Freckles to be settled into his new body?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Me!!" says Donut.

"I would LOVE a piggy back ride, New Dad!"

"I am the luckiest Daddy in the whole universe. You are so perfect. My perfect, sweet boys."

…………………………………………………

**West of Blue Base**

"I think my human half was gay," says Epsilon thoughtfully as he continues to monitor Freckles' programming. "I mean, I don't think he was sexually active or anything, but I've got such a boner for you. I'm almost disgusted with myself."

"There's no way you're more disgusted with yourself than I am," says Wash.

"Gee, thanks."

"I just mean– look, I'm not into dudes. At all. But I'm trying for you. I just hope you can appreciate it."

"You let a naked male stranger into your bed! How the fuck was I supposed to know?!" says Epsilon. He pulls his hand away from Washington and scoots further away.

Washington sighs.

"That didn't come out right. Look, I just never liked men, and I definitely never liked underaged boys. When I saw you in my room and how you reacted to me taking off my armor… I felt wanted. I felt powerful. You had this throbbing boner just from looking at me. And you looked so… _taken_ with me. I wanted to be wanted. But I think I might have been wrong. You're too young Epsilon, and I shouldn't be taking advantage of you like this. But I can't help it."

"I'm not a child, Wash."

"You might as well be. For all I know, you're a mature thirteen."

"Fuck you."

"I'm serious. I'm not trying to insult you, I'm trying to impress you with how many of my boundaries I've broken to be with you."

"Why do you never touch my cock? Is it because you don't like cock or because I'm sixteen."

"Epsilon, you're less than a week old."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Look, it's both. But that connection we have when I'm inside your throat, that feeling we share when we… It's real. I don't need a woman, Epsilon. I need you."

Epsilon looks up at him. His helmet is hiding the blush on his cheeks, but his heavy breathing is more audible than he'd like.

"You mean it?" asks Epsilon.

"Yeah. I do," says Washington. "And honestly, it really bothers me that you're so young. But we were made for each other. For all I know, the original Epsilon was designed with me in mind. I'll take my beatings in Hell if it means I get to be with you."

"Goddamnit," says Epsilon. "That's either really romantic or… oh shit!"

"What?" asks Wash, thinking it's something he said.

"There's something wrong with this coding. How many machines has Freckles been in?"

"Mantis class military assault droid, MA5D ICWS assault rifle, and that toy mantis he's being transferred from."

"Has he ever been laiden with a tracking device?" demands Epsilon.

"Yes…" says Washington, "But Church fixed it."

"Something's wrong here. It's like his brain doesn't know what part of it is doing… they're contradicting each other… not like fighting but almost like when the immune system attacks healthy cells by mistake. I'm going in, wish me luck."

"Going in, what the hell does that—" 

Epsilon's body slumps over and falls limply on the ground. 

"—mean…? EPSILON!!! EPSILON, NOO!!!" Wash gets on the radio immediately, "Butch! Doc! I need help! Something's wrong with Epsilon! We need medical evacuation, stat!"

Wash pulls Epsilon into his lap and takes off Epsilon's helmet. The boy is still breathing, but it only tells Wash that he has more time to get Epsilon help. It doesn't alleviate or comfort his fears, but soon the new Mantis starts glowing and Epsilon is opening his eyes. A wry smile comes across his face as he realizes where he is.

"I thought you said no lap-sitting, Wash."

"Oh, fuck you, asshole! You could have warned me! Don't jump out of your body again! Ever!"

"Wash, I wasn't actually out of my fucking body, I was just interfacing with technology to the exclusion of everything else. You know, like a phone call or a video game."

"Jesus Christ, E! I thought I was going to lose you! Why didn't you warn me you could do that?!"

"I thought I was clear before. I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Private! As soon as you're sure Freckles is alright, I want you to give me thirty laps around the canyon."

" _Thirty?!!_ Around the _whole_ canyon?!!"

"That's correct soldier. Now move!"

**Six hours later**

Wash is reading at his desk when Epsilon comes in, strips and crashes on his cot. He's breathing heavily and hoarsely.

"Apparently your human side is in really good shape," says Wash.

"You could just say, 'Wow Epsilon, you're in really good shape! I find that attractive!'" says Epsilon. Even that takes everything he has. He doesn't think he has the effort to be snarky right now.

"You're in really good shape Epsilon. I had Omicron track you–"

"I know, it was like a constant buzzing in my ear."

"–and he says you did exactly what I told you to. I'm proud of you, Private. I know that wasn't easy."

" _Wasn't easy?!!_ Fuck you, Agent, my body is trying to kill me right now, and I'm too tired for this bullshit! Just fuck me and get it over with. You wanted me too tired to be tense, too weak to fight back. Just take me already!"

"How did you… it doesn't matter. You just got back and you deserve to catch your breath first."

"So you _are_ gonna fuck me tonight." 

It's an accusation.

"You belong to me, Private, you will follow my orders."

"That's not an answer, Agent," says Epsilon. 

"I don't owe you one. But since you asked nicely, I'm going to come into your ass so hard you feel it in your esophagus."

Epsilon smiles and shudders, his breathing coming out in gasps. "Really?" he says hopefully.

Wash gets up from his desk, setting the book down and picking Epsilon up from the cot to lay him on his bed.

"Not literally. I just thought it'd sound sexy."

"Shut up and kiss me!" demands Epsilon, but Washington slaps him across the face with a half-hearted backhand.

Epsilon holds onto his cheek, utterly shocked. His agent _struck_ him! This was either going to get really sexy or really scary.

Washington doesn't apologize. Instead he says, "I give the orders, E. Not you. Roll over on your stomach. I'm not going to go all the way in, I'm just going to shoot a load in your ass."

"Oh, you cockbite!" says Epsilon as Wash positions himself over Epsilon, nestling his half hard cock between his buttcheeks and forming his chest to Epsilon's back. Wash kisses his neck gently while smacking him hard on the ass with his hand. The juxtaposition makes it hard to believe it's coming from the same person at the same time, but every touch, every sensation just makes Epsilon want Wash more and more.

Wash refuses to give him a rimjob, or a blowjob for that matter, but he does lube Epsilon up with a finger first, using gun oil. Epsilon screams Wash's name a few times before Washington finally pulls out his finger and starts rubbing the head of his hard cock into Epsilon's waiting hole. The entrance is smooth and Wash's fat cock starts teasing the entrance, making Epsilon gasp. 

Then Wash does something he knows Epsilon will love. He dances around the entrance, popping in and out as Epsilon tenses and melts beneath him. Soon, his ass is relaxed enough that instead of popping in and out, Wash is sliding in and out and a little too eager, Wash shoves half his cock in at once.

Epsilon screams out in pain but Wash covers his mouth with his hand, grabbing the gun oil with the other hand and pulling out enough to slick up most of his cock and Epsilon's hole.

"Sorry, E. I'm kind of new at this."

Epsilon moans in response, wriggling his butt to make Washington slide in a little further. Washington only goes so far though, keeping only half of his ten inches inside at the most. He darts in and out a few times before grinding slowly in deeper. Before he realizes it and without intending to, he bottoms out, feeling his hips and lower abs against Epsilon's butt and lower back.

"How you doin? This okay?" asks Wash.

He feels a twitch in his implant and suddenly, it's like he can feel Epsilon's pleasure and euphoria. He can feel how complete and whole it makes him feel. He can feel how Epsilon really feels about him – absolutely, head over heels in love, with undertones of deeply rooted codependence. 

So Epsilon does need him. On a deep, pure level. Wash is _needed_. Not for his battle prowess or his winning personality but for who he is intrinsically. And he feels powerful, goddamnit. Epsilon, snark notwithstanding, submits to him so completely. 

The sensation of Epsilon's mind recedes a bit and Wash realizes that Epsilon shared that with him through his A.I. slot in answer to his question.

He can't help the words that fall out of his mouth next.

"I love you, Epsilon."

He barely hears himself say it but Epsilon moans and bucks his hips backwards against him, making the sentence feel real.

Wash decides he won't beat around the bush anymore. They're making love and now isn't the time to be guarded or methodical or cold. Now is the time for passion and Washington pushes all of his passion to the surface, kissing Epsilon all over his neck and shoulders and back as he thrusts inwards and pulls slightly out. He repeats and repeats until he hears a high pitched keening. 

"God, Wash, I feel like my ass is gonna cream!" says Epsilon. "I had no idea it could be like this!"

"It can be like this almost every night," says Wash affectionately before slapping Epsilon's ass, getting a contraction in return and he rubs around Epsilon's insides a bit. "God, I'm a sick fuck," Wash says under his breath.

"I love you, you sick fuck," says Epsilon.

Wash grins and starts fucking him a little faster, a little harder, careful to build up his speed gradually.

He doesn't get far before he feels Epsilon's hips convulsing under him as Epsilon screams in a feral tone.

Wash carefully sinks in to the hilt, holds Epsilon as he comes and through his aftershocks. The rhythmic squeezing on his cock isn't letting him get any softer anytime soon, so Wash isn't worried. They can continue this when Epsilon is ready. 

Soon Epsilon says, "What's the point in being a sick fuck if you don't have some fun. Fuck me silly, Wash! Have a ball!"

"I just wanted to make sure you wanted to continue before I did."

"I'm here for whatever you want Wash. I hope I can get you to come in my ass, but I know I'm not what you want."

"You're _who_ I want," Wash says with a thrust in to punctuate his point. Epsilon groans and Wash keeps moving, fucking in and out of him until Epsilon is completely unraveled in his arms, completely pliant and utterly willing. 

Then Wash decides to take it to a new level. He starts slamming into him almost all the way out and then down to the hilt in rapid succession. He keeps going and going, working up to mercilessly ramming Epsilon brutally within a minute and Epsilon's whines and moans only urge Wash to get rougher. 

He pounds him hard, feeling his slick cock run in and out of Epsilon's insides and changing the angle to experiment a little until he finds the perfect action that makes Epsilon scream and his own nerves light on fire. Soon, he coming hard inside him, vision gone white and breathing all but fucked while he continues to fuck and fuck hard, burying himself to the hilt over and over, and gradually slowing his movements as he finishes his orgasm. 

Epsilon is listless. He just had the best sex of his life. The _only_ sex of his life, but that still doesn't diminish how great it was. He relaxes under his Agent's body and feels him breathing, feels the rapid pounding of his heart and reaches out once again to give Wash a feeling.

Wash gasps as he feels Epsilon's love for him compounded a hundred-fold. Wash never wants it to stop, but he dismounts after a while and turns Epsilon to face him. The young face, light frame, smooth skin and startling blue eyes make him fall absolutely in love. He loved him before, but now he's _in_ love. He kisses Epsilon, tongues rolling over each other and lips caressing until they both fall asleep exhausted.

The next morning, Wash tries to hide their new development over breakfast but Epsilon keeps smiling at him like he hung the moon and the stars. He may be a perfect lover but he'd make a terrible spy.


End file.
